There were other guys in there, but none of them mormon and for various reasons were not reciprocated. The others all call me regularly when they need help getting their life together or just want advice.My mother, who never keeps things to herself, once told his mother that I had a crush on her son. She had never even thought about me potentially liking him. Yes, I know – terrible life choice, but in a long-term perspective the state has been good to me. So while I clearly have value in their lives, dating has never been in the cards. I refuse to feel like crap about myself everyday because I dont look like everyone else around me. At my skinniest I was a size 12, and believe me I was stick. I finally gave up on straightening a few years ago, when the cost and time (3 hours! And my hair laughed the one time in 7th grade I tried to relax it. I do not blend in well, although I did so want to as a teenager.I met my best friend here and have made some friends that I know I will have forever and Im really grateful. I liked one guy a year for the first five years I lived here. The closest I came was someone offering to make out when I first moved here. With all my education, I will probably have more earning power than 95% of men in general, much less Mormon men.

I lived in NYC this summer and I forgot what it felt like to be noticed. Basically things that will make me even less dateable.

People there dont look at me weird for my crazy curly hair or darker skin or how I talk.

No one asks me, even in the nicest way, what you doing here?

This did not seem to be an issue until I got near the typical Mormon dating age, at which point it seemed like a big issue.

I’d like to think its not because I am the worst person in the world – non-Mormon Black and Hispanic guys have asked me out over the years, but when it comes to Mormons there was one guy, white, and he was on a mission in my mom’s area at 26. I wrote him once, but I lived literally across the country, so that never went anywhere, not that I thought it would. We were the only black family in most of my wards growing up and there were never any black Mormon guys near my age.

And while I know I am not alone in the menace to society category, Ive also never dated.

I liked the same blond-haired blue eyed guy for like 6 years.

In my mind, these dont seem like bad traits for an awesome wife. Even at this point in my life, Im not sure how far to stray from dating within the fold.

So much of my life revolves around this way of living – will someone outside of it understand?